Alone
It’s Friday night. You just got off work. You made plans with friends but they canceled again. You call your family to see if you guys can have dinner, but they’re out of town already. So you’re just alone…again.
It can be a shitty feeling at times. Those types of nights suck. No matter how hard you try, technology can’t fill that emptiness you feel. You try not to let it get the better of you at times but sometimes its overwhelming. How can we avoid this feeling is the real question. To be honest, there isn’t a one way to avoid the feeling, just a healthy way to deal with it.
How to never be alone: The Healthy Way.
An entry by Aidan Ramos
Always be busy. That way you won’t become reliant on other’s company in order to feel good. Theres a difference in being alone and being lonely. Alone is ok if you are in a good place mentally. Pick up that hobby you have always wanted to try. Write in your journal. Read that book that peaked your interest. Simply try to find something that fulfills that free time you’ve always had.
Self before others. You can’t be a great person to others if you aren’t in the best shape mentally and physically. Take this alone time to use it on yourself. You now have extra time to do something you’ve always wanted to do. It’s ok to say no to hang outs in order to take it easy. You may want to rest rather than go out and spend money. Sometimes you just wanna go on a drive at night by yourself rather than spend time with someone. It’s not that you don’t like them, you just want to be a better person for them. It’s like saying you want a clean house for a party, but no one will let you clean. You gotta give yourself time in order to clean so that you can have that party.
Learn how to have a good time by yourself. Since you’re with yourself 24/7, your opinion of yourself matters the most. The journey of self discovery is supposed to be lonely. How can you love yourself if you don't give yourself a chance. There’s always a million things to do and you never have time for them, but now you do. If we can ask you to take one thing away from this read, is to try new things and put yourself before others. So go have fun with yourself and always remember to just keep going :)
Where are my friends?
An Entry by Aidan Ramos & Gian Icatar
Life gets busy. Shit happens. We see our families and friends less, while at the same time, we have to sacrifice time with others for our own well-being. There are just some things you cannot control no matter the circumstances. So we ask you this, “Why can’t it be simple and easy like when we were younger?” The short answer to this question is life. We get so caught up in self-development, school, career, and new friendships, it’s so easy to drift away from our friends. As a result of this ultra focus, we often forget we have a whole army of people in our past that support us wholeheartedly and unconditionally.
Although it’s hard to see people, being busy is good. We're working, making new friends, and learning about ourselves. New and different opportunities pop up every day, but at least we’re growing. Right? Every now and then, we have to sit back and catch ourselves and ask, “Wow, it has been a minute since I’ve talked to my friend from high school.” Well, there is a simple solution to that. The good thing about today is we’re all connected through our phones. Texting, calling, or FaceTiming someone you haven’t seen in a while is a simple way to open up the dialogue. A simple, “Happy Birthday!” or “Hey *their name* It's been a minute! How are you?” Simple actions like this can mean a lot to you and your former homie.
What’s the worse that comes out of it? They don’t respond? Or they ask, ``Why are you texting me out of nowhere?” Their loss. If someone means something to you, they will respond. Just find someone you haven’t said hi to in a while. It starts with your family and friends. If you’re bold, you’ll just call them right off the bat. If not, just send the text. And if they’re busy or can’t pick up, so what? Again, their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, you can’t control another person’s actions but you can control yours.
Remember, being busy is good. Just because someone hasn’t reached out to you in a while, doesn’t mean they dislike you, that’s not it at all. They’re just as caught up with life as you are. Especially during this pandemic, communication and mental health are at the center stage of everyone’s mind. So we ask, why don’t you check in on your friends? Why don’t you shoot that text? Why don’t you make that call? You never know who needs you.
P.S. - A note from Aidan:
I haven’t seen Gian in-person for about a year and a half. But I always text him every while to see what he’s been up to. I know he’s busy, but we’ll always make time to check up on each other and share new things. Facetime calls and liking each other’s post is great, but seeing each other in person and actually doing something together just makes the whole experience that much better.
Icebreakers for opening conversations with people you haven’t spoken to in a while
“How's everything?”
“What’s new in your life?”
A mutual interest
You don’t always have to plan to hang out or get coffee. My personal favorite is texting people on their birthday. Everyone appreciates and is always willing to tell you what their plan is for that day. That's why I do that all the time. And personally, knowing there is at least one person who who’s thinking of me on my birthday, just makes the day that much better. Basic small talk to someone you haven’t seen in a while means a lot to a person. So just text that person !
Authentic- Your True Self Is Your Best Self
Just be yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.
When we get to know someone are we putting up a front to seem “cool”? What does that even mean? Being “cool” differs from person to person so why would we try to be something that isn’t defined? Acceptance?
Fake personas breed fake love. As difficult as it sounds, unapologetically be yourself. The support you garner will only be as real as you are. Express your thoughts if it’s against the norm, speak up for yourself and with time and patience you’ll find your true community.
Artwork by @robin.artworld
Growth- Explore, Dream, Discover
What is growth? When we were younger, growth simply meant, gaining strength, bigger bones, and running faster. Although this is true, as we *actually* grow up, we realize growth isn’t just a physical change but a mental one as well. Growth on the inside is something we should be striving for even past our days of physical growth. Pushing ourselves past what we think is our limit only sets us up to accomplish our big goals.
Growth isn’t linear. As we go through life, there are setbacks but we have no choice but to continue. Luckily, throughout this journey, we learn and pick up qualities that we didn’t have before.
For continued growth, we must continue to “Explore, Dream, and Discover”. How would we know we like something if we haven’t tried it yet? So I ask you to do the following: 1) Try something new today. 2) Think about that goal you’ve had in mind and write it down on paper. 3) Be curious.
Art by: @robin.artworld
Who is Ricky?
Ricky is you! He is someone trying to figure out this thing called life. Life isn’t easy and he knows this. The trials and tribulations he goes through only teach him how he can improve and how much he can grow. By truly embodying this 📈growth mindset📈, the problems he faces merely scratch his armor and doesn’t dent it.
With the help of his friends, he pushes through adversity and they accomplish feats they can only dream of. This network of people around him are the people who are there to catch him when he falls or boost him up when he’s high. The power of 🤝togetherness🤝 gives him the foundation of who he is and what he is capable of.
Lastly, Ricky is 👑genuine👑. Ricky is unapologetically him. Sure his confidence can be rocked, his support system shaken, but at the end of the day Ricky knows who Ricky is and nothing is going to change that.
Time and time again he goes through tough spots but he knows the pillars of his life will never leave. With his growth mindset, his love for togetherness, and his genuineness, Ricky embodies what a true Buddy is. Now my question to you is: Have you?
Artwork by @allexvega
I AM A FAILURE
I am a failure. Yeah, I said it. Even before I started my adult life, I am a failure. I have failed in every aspect of a young person’s life: I failed in school, I didn’t get into any universities, I never won a tennis tournament, I was obese for my height and age, and when I wanted something the most, I still didn’t get it. All of these things suck...like a lot. At one point in my life, each of those things mattered the most to me and I never succeeded in the way I wanted to. Over time, I realized that all of these failures had one thing in common: Me. I was the person at the center of all my problems and I hated it. I doubted myself in every aspect of my life, and whenever I tried to work on myself, things would ALWAYS revert back to my shitty habits. I was so frustrated and I couldn’t figure out why I still felt sad despite the many attempts to be happy for the longest time. I knew I needed to change so many aspects of my life, but I felt so conflicted about where I wanted to start. After many sleepless nights, I knew I needed to change at least one thing; my perspective. I realized the only thing that can decide whether or not I’d be happy, was the same thing that caused all of my problems: Me.
Knowing I never succeeded in school, it’s crazy to think that a book is what truly changed my life. As I was completing 75Hard, one of my friends recommended that I read a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The book went over four simple rules we should live by in our daily life:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
The most important lesson I learned from reading the book was this; We make the conscious decision on how we want to live our daily lives, no matter what the circumstance. In other words, many things have an effect on how we feel that’s beyond our control, but the way we react to them is completely controllable and 100% on us. Whenever there is something that doesn’t go our way, we react negatively and that mentality will carry over into how we go about our day. A lot of people have asked me how I come into work so happy and with so much energy, and the answer is always bringing this positive mindset into work every single day. This mentality doesn’t come easy, but I make sure to put in the effort every day to be the light in someone’s dark, even my own.
Once I realized I control the way I live my life, I started to attack my insecurities and shortcomings head-on. I put in the work and effort every single day, and now I feel better about who I am and who I will become. It’s crazy to think, but the exact thing that is the problem is also the solution; it’s almost backwards to even say it out loud, but it’s true! Working to be happy and to have a positive attitude is hard work. It’s the pressure that creates diamonds. The work isn’t just waking up one day and telling yourself to be happy; it’s the persistence and consistency in telling yourself to put in the time and effort in pushing yourself towards the right direction. So keep pushing, keep your head high, and don’t let your foot off the gas. We all have lows and now you have one of the keys to get yourself out of them.
#3-Create adversity for yourself(Create Diamonds)
Adversity: something all of us wish to be rid of but something all of us need. Whether we like it or not, adversity is the pressure that pushes us to become bigger than ourselves; it’s the pressure that creates diamonds. Many of us (myself included) want that easy win, easy grade, just coast by, and live life. Although that mentality seems good, I learned that it prevents a person from fulfilling their true potential. If we truly want to grow, we shouldn’t be satisfied with our situation; we must continue to push ourselves every day. Constantly pushing ourselves for more shows us the heights we can reach one day with adversity being the force behind that.
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “My life is hard enough as it is,” or, “Who is this dude to tell me to make my life harder?” And to that, I’d say, “Yes bro, life is hard as shit! BUT the way we look at the challenges we face can help differentiate what is debilitating and what can be solved.” Each of us has our own issues and sometimes what we define as adversity may be nothing to the person next to them. That is what makes each person so different; not one person has the same set of adversities as another. This is how we develop individuality to become our own person. Simply, changing your mindset and perspective on the challenges we face enables us to handle them, which ultimately leads to you becoming confident in your abilities.
So what exactly does it mean to “create adversity for yourself”? As I said, adversity is the pressure required to create diamonds. I created adversity for myself by doing this mental toughness challenge called “75 Hard”. If you are unfamiliar, the challenge requires the person to workout twice a day for 45 minutes each(one has to be outdoors), drink a gallon of water, follow a diet (no cheat meals or cheat days), read 10 pages of a non-fiction/entrepreneurial book, and take a progress picture every day for 75 days straight; and if you miss either one of those criteria, you fail and have to start over (you can find the instagram page I had to keep me on track here) This challenge was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I tested my limits every day and, as you can guess, it wasn’t smooth sailing. I would regularly have 18-hour days with 4 AM workouts and there were times where I wanted to quit, disappear, and give into being a failure. But I stuck with it. Over the 75 days, I found myself and created a clear vision of what my future can and will be. I learned so much about life, but those lessons didn’t come without hardship. Most of all, I proved to myself that I can handle any challenge as long as I stick with it.
before and after of 75 HARD
With all that being said, I’m still working on my shortcomings. I now understand it takes actual work, effort, and persistence to do so. I have accepted the fact that we all go through tough times and as many times as we fail, there will be another opportunity to get back up and try again. Each one of our adversities creates the individual we know we can become. I truly believe if we consider each adversity we encounter as a learning experience, or something that prepares us for something better, the anxiety we feel from it will subside. Once we realize that we control how we react to the adversity we face, we can get past it and truly grasp the strength we have within. The diamond we can become is within us.The hardships and adversity we experience or create are the levels we need to go through to shine.
#2-Learn Something New Everyday(Burnout)
I’d like to start off by saying in no way am I any type of writer and my grammar is atrocious. I wanna mention that there will be times where the commas or semicolons are placed won’t make any sense. To me, that is the beauty of what I am trying to create; something raw, real, and genuine. I just want to share my experiences with people in hopes of helping someone through a hard time and at the same time show that someone who never did well in school can still do something they never thought they would: write...FOR FUN?!? Because if I can do something this out of my comfort zone, so can you.
If I have learned anything this past couple of months, there are at least these two basic kinds of people my age. Let me know if they sound familiar: 1) There’s that person working so much to “chase the bag”, go to school, party and on top of that still manage to do keep their mental on somewhat good standing or 2) There’s that person who doesn’t go to school and all they do is work, maybe shoot some hoops, and party. Although these two types of people have two different life paths, eventually they will experience something called “burnout”. You know that feeling where all you want to do is nothing? That feeling when you just want to stop, leave, and never come back? Or that feeling where you question what you are doing is “worth it?”. Whether we like it or not, we all have experienced this in our lives.
I used to feel like this all the time and I hated it. I would go into class or work without any real intention. I used to tell myself; “I am just here for the check” or “I need to get good grades for my parents”. This was a terrible mindset to have because I knew I was meant for more than just a bi-weekly check or shitty grades I got every semester. As young people, we are meant to be more than just that. We have all the reasons in the world to be able to experience things that aren’t just right in front of us. We have all the reasons to be a part of things that are way bigger than ourselves. But then we get tied down with work, school, and our personal lives, and the things we truly want to do seem to get further and further. We begin to notice our daily routine doesn’t match up with what we really would like to do. We feel there’s so much we would rather be doing.
Recently, I learned a way to minimize the feeling of burning out is to try to learn something new every day. Learning something new challenges you to look at all the little things you are doing differently. These varying perspectives help grow who you are and eventually into the person you can become. Believe it or not, this mentality started to change my perspective on this whole thing called life. Trying to learn something new every day helped me focus on the positive things I can control and limit the negative effects of the things around me. Through these simple and little tasks every day I was able to shift that “I’m only here for the check” mentality to “What knowledge can I pull from all of today’s experiences?”. This is truly the secret to staying focused on the things we do in life. Whether you are trying to become a better student or just working, intentionally trying to learn something new will help you stay focused on the goals you have, and eventually, you will reach them.
The Buddy Blog #1- Togetherness
I’d like to start by saying in no way am I any type of writer and my grammar is atrocious. I wanna mention that there will be times where the commas or semicolons are placed in a way that won’t make any sense. To me, that is the beauty of what I am trying to create; something raw, real, and genuine. I just want to share my experiences with people in hopes of helping someone through a hard time and at the same time show that someone who never did well in school can still do something they never thought they would: write...FOR FUN?!? Because if I can do something this out of my comfort zone, so can you.
The topic I want to talk about in today’s entry is Togetherness (Honestly, I don’t know if that is a real word or just slang). To me, this word is the act of being or staying together. As the famous saying goes; “There is strength in numbers”. In life, we go through shit that doesn’t make sense, shit that we don’t deserve, and shit that just isn’t fair. We have a bunch of stuff that we carry on our shoulders each day that slows us down and sometimes...we can’t handle it anymore. We feel we messed everything up to the point of no return, we feel as if we aren’t good enough, we feel singled out. These feelings can trap a person in a dark place and this is where the importance of togetherness shines through. A lot of us have found people that can help us climb out of these deep and dark places. People who have reached out their hand to pick our depressed asses up off the ground. These people show real friendship and care for you, and sometimes that is all you need to get you out of the dark. Most of the time, these people show up in your life unexpectedly. My latest experience of togetherness came just a couple of months ago. I found a friend that helped me through one of the most interesting times in my life, and I did the same for him. We first met a month before the world shut down and for the sake of the story, we shall call this dude “K”…
In that month I don’t really recall K and I talking too much. We would just say “What’s up?” or “How are you?”, nothing too deep or personal. To be honest with you, I barely knew what the dude was about; all I remember is that I thought he was a super energetic, funny, and friendly dude…pretty much an all-around good guy. During quarantine, I barely remembered who this dude was but when we got back from quarantine, it was like we knew each other for our entire lives (he and I talk about this now and then...we literally do not know why we opened up to each other so quickly. We still think there was something out of our control that led us to each other at exactly the lowest moments of both of our lives.)
There was a girl that I thought was hella cute before we went into quarantine but I never remembered her face nor did remember her name. When we got back, I quickly remembered her, and when I tell you I went crazy over this chick...I went crazy over her. It got to the point where if this chick told me to go get her a pen, I’d get her 1,000, and if this chick told me to shave my head, best believe next time you would see me I would look like an egg. I remember being so nervous around her for literally no reason. And as you can probably guess, she didn’t like me in that way and just wanted a friend. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I still thought we could be a thing eventually; and of course, nothing happened haha. This realization wrecked me and made me rethink everything I was doing and seeing this girl almost every day ruined what little confidence I had because she was a constant reminder of failure. During the little phase I had for this girl, K was there for me every step of the way, watching me fall flat on my face for this girl and he was there to pick me right back up. He helped me pick up what little pieces of myself I had left and helped to build me back up to who I am now.
Throughout one of the toughest times in my life, K was also going through one of the toughest times any person can go through. Him and his partner lost a child and eventually, that took a toll on their relationship and they broke up. Although it barely showed, he was wrecked. I remember a time where he was fighting so hard for this person to come back, that was all we talked about. His mental was probably worse than mine but he still helped me. Maybe that’s why we got so close so quickly. In a weird way, I feel like him being there for me helped him in his situation just as much as it helped me. He mentions these times now and then I never realized how down he was and how much I actually helped him. Whenever he was around me, it seemed like he was always helping and listening to me, but he always gives me credit for catching him too.
Eventually, both of us were able to climb out of the dark and become new people. From the low, came two new friends that bonded over heartbreak. I tell you this story because this friendship was built completely by just experiencing a tough situation together. Although we were going through tough times, we relied on each other to get through them. He was always listening to me, and I tried to listen to him just as much. Were these times still lonely for both of us? Sure, they are called tough times for a reason, but we knew that there was someone who cared. We knew that there was someone always willing to listen to us. What I want you guys to take away from this story is that together, we can push through the darkest times. It doesn’t matter who you are; believe it or not, people are willing to listen. There are people who genuinely want to help you. Hell, if you feel like you don’t have anyone, hit me up. I want to help you just as much as K did for me. And just know, we can get through dark times. Together.